I’ve been away from reading and writing for more than a hot minute. My depression got so bad during the middle and later parts of the year that
I honestly couldn’t focus on anything except surviving. While I did survive, I definitely let things fall onto the back burner.

I lost all pleasure in doing things, I became paralyzed by anxiety and nothing I did to snap out of it worked. So all I did was focus on surviving each day. I worked closely with my therapist almost everyday to process all that I was going through. It was hard work and involved a lot of tears and misery. There were days I just couldn’t get out of bed. Days where I had to make myself clock on for work. Moments I had to force myself to eat and drink. For a few months all I could do was get myself from one moment to the next until the day was over; just to go to bed and do it all over again.

My husband bought me a Lego set of Vincent Van Gogh’s Starry Night and it still sits unfinished because I struggled being completely overwhelmed by it. Picking up a book to read was one of the last things on my mind, because just starting a book felt like asking me to climb a mountain. I managed to write a few book reviews and they sat untouched in my drafts until this year.

I’m still not over the depression or anxiety; they both hang out with me daily. But recently things have felt a little lighter. The world hasn’t felt as heavy and my motivation to start things has returned. I don’t wake up every morning feeling like I’m drowning. Now it’s more like I am treading water.

I got to spend Thanksgiving with my parents and sister – which seemed to make the rest of the holiday season easier. Christmas rolled around and I didn’t spend the whole day crying. In fact besides a huge migraine I can say without sarcasm that it was a good day.

I don’t know why things are easier this time around. Maybe my medications for the depression are finally starting to work. Maybe it’s just a high point in the cycle of emotions. Maybe I’m finally catching a break after all the struggle. Maybe it’s all these things adding up to giving me a little bit of breathing room. I may not know for sure what’s the cause – but I am grateful for getting a little bit back to a new “normal”. A normal that is doing better than just surviving the day to day. A normal that lets me live and breathe a little easier.

Hopefully this means you’ll see more from me in the coming weeks as I take advantage of this reprieve. Please consider liking and sharing my reviews on social media. I ask this in the hopes that one day I can make this my full time job. Because reading is way more fulfilling to me than just about anything else.

Until we talk again,
Brianna